The Myth of True Happiness...
I remember the very first time I experienced, what I call, true happiness. I was driving down the highway at a high rate of speed with the windows down and the music as loud as I could manage to get it in my little Nissan. Both of my children were in the backseat sound asleep (safe, healthy, and normal). May I not be the last person to tell you that when toddlers and babies are sleeping... well, that is the best sound in the world. I was healthy, had energy, thought myself to be brilliant, indulged in a satisfying relationship, had many true friends, and a job that I was truly excited to have. My husband was at work that moment, I recall, at a job which wasn't a job at all, for him. He felt blessed, creative, professional, and necessary; all components of work which create ultimate fulfillment. I had no worries. For a solid hour not a person on the planet needed me for anything. No one needed me for solace, comfort, direction, motivation, discipline, mediation, or pleasure. On the busy freeways of Los Angeles, I was alone. Free to dream, free to think, free to wish, free to honor myself and my needs and desires. I knew it in an instant: I was Happy.
This Happy time was not because I was alone, although being alone is certainly a great conductor for happiness. It, also, wasn't about not being needed at the time, which, too, was rather helpful. When you don't have, seemingly, a million things to do and a thousand people needing your attention, it positively gets easier to focus on being Happy.
Rather, one piece of this happiness puzzle (the biggest piece?) was because I was "in the moment," as they say. There was no where I would rather have been. I knew enough from my Taoist background to appreciate Now. After all, that is, indeed, all we have. Now. Being in the Now, being present, being Happy, is purely subjective, and yet, not at all arguable. It is what it is. Byron Katie and Dr. Wayne Dyer mention repeatedly throughout their teachings that one need not any evidence as proof of truth: "the evidence is: it just is." In that Happy moment driving contently and serenely down the crowded, stressful, fast-moving lanes of Los Angeles' interstates I could have allowed myself, at any instant, to shrink back into the crazy, hectic, overwhelming, exhausting life that I lead: two children under three, full time job, two businesses trying to get off the ground, volunteer work, active yoga practice, love life, friendships, and all while maintaining my health and our home. Yes, I know: this is the life that we all lead.
But, see, here's where we have a choice... we get to CHOOSE happiness. Choose to be in the Now. Truly. It doesn't choose us. We don't sit on the sidelines of life awaiting happiness' arrival. After about an hour of absolute joy of driving in the car "alone," I swear that within two minutes of each other both kiddos awoke. One was wailing because she was absolutely starving, and the elder child was screamplaining (complaining while screaming) that he had to poop. And that was it. Poof.
Happiness re-visited me later that day as I was changing baby number two's diaper and she looked up at me for a moment, stared into my eyes, deeply, and wrinkled up her tiny, squishy little nose and smiled a gigantic, appreciative, loving grin just for me! Then happiness disappeared; for many days, actually.
Later that week, joy re-visited and entered my heart when baby number one was enjoying his PB&J sandwich at the dining room table and called me over to him, "c'm'ere mama." I walked over with great hesitation as you never know what a three year old is contriving... he simply said: "kiss me." So I did. I pulled back with strawberry jam smeared on my cheek and told him I loved him. He said he loved me too. I captured that moment and bottled it up.
Peace spent some time at my place, days following, when my lover and I were able to cuddle up under a blanket on the couch and watch a newly released movie we had been waiting to see. No strife, no blame, no resentment, no expectations. Just popcorn and a funny flick. It didn't last long. The stressors of parenthood and bill-paying caught up with us quickly.
This on-again/off-again relationship with happiness was at first unsettling. I felt cheated during the sad and depressing and trying times; and felt absolutely blessed and exuberant during the other, more favored, tiny moments of joy. What I realized, though, is that I created those incredible moments: I chose to be Happy. I chose Now. There will always be an alternate path of reaction to embrace. If you'd like to, you may certainly be tired, angry, enraged, annoyed, irritated, confused, or overwhelmed. You can. It's your choice. One would find, I posit, that the emotions that are difficult to sit with and are uncomfortable are emotions based in the past, or perhaps, even the future. You cannot, cannot, cannot control the past or the future.
Or, since you cannot control anything anyway: "truth (aka reality) just is," you may as well choose peace. All you can control are your reactions. You cannot even control your thoughts, some would argue. You can control your reactions. You cannot argue with truth. Truth is not different for everyone. In fact, truth is the same for every single one of us. Truth IS reality. Some are enlightened or self-aware, sure; but, you absolutely, entirely cannot argue with reality. No matter which side of the fence you are on, even if you believe that you are the fairest, most honest, least judgmental person on the planet - even you - cannot argue with reality. Truth is accepting reality; is pausing in the Now. This is happiness.
So the myth devolves to this: let go of what you cannot control and embrace what you can and choose to be Happy. Embrace your ability to control your reactions, solely. As you cannot control, well... anything. Anything except your reactions to everything. And THAT you can be Happy about.
